'HEY, YOU,' the blond man snarls, his thin face scrunched up in
hatred.
'You shouldn't be allowed.' He looks around the train carriage and
repeats: 'You shouldn't be allowed.' The other commuters ignore him.
They are British so they gaze out of the windows and bury their
heads in their newspapers.
Except me. I can't ignore him because the thing he believes should
not be allowed is me. This is the story of the week I spent wearing
a burqa.
A burqa is the most conservative form of Islamic dress. It is a
huge, billowing piece of fabric, pleated under a cap that fits on
the head, with a fabric mesh to cover the eyes. It obscures the
entire body.
It was devised by devout Muslims interpreting two verses in Islam's
holy book, the Koran: 'And say to the believing women that they
should lower their gaze and guard their modesty; that they should
not display their beauty and ornaments, that they should draw their
veils over their bosoms. . .' and 'Tell thy wives and thy daughters
and the women of the believers to draw their cloaks close round
them.' It was a crash course in the realities of living in
multicultural Britain. I learned a little about Islam, a lot about
this country and even more about myself.
I have seen women in burqas in the streets where I live. I respond
to them with a mixture of pity: 'How can your
religion/culture/family do that to you?' And contempt: 'Why do you
put up with it? Why don't you tear off your shroud, lose the
husband, get a decent education and crash through the glass ceiling
with the rest of us?' Beyond that, I never ask myself who they are,
what they want or why they wear it.
The day I get my burqa - it is gold silk, rich and soft - is full of
high jinks. I dance around the house wearing it, admiring my strange
form in the mirror.
I do Monty Python silly walks, impersonate the mother in The Life Of
Brian and dust the banisters using my burqa as I sweep downstairs.
'I love soft furnishings,' I tell my laughing flatmates. 'But that
doesn't mean I want to be one.' When I leave the house for the first
time, I stop laughing. My destination is the local supermarket where
I plan to buy a Pot Noodle. As I enter the damp suburban street, the
first thing I notice about wearing the garment is how it limits my
movements and obscures my senses.
I can hardly see through the pretty embroidered mesh and I amble
like an old woman. I can see nothing but a gloomy rectangle, a
half-light London. I can hear my breathing but little else.
As I turn the corner into the main road I am afraid. I may be in
medieval costume but the city is not. I walk past two men. They
stare at me - one looks hostile, the other curious. Inside the
Everything seems at half-speed, it is like being under water, and I
am sweating. My reflection seems to me ridiculous - a gold woman
with no eyes or mouth, waddling around a 21st-century supermarket.
I am wearing gloves (a woman who wears a burqa will not show her
hands) and it seems to take me an hour to open my bag and purse for
the money.
The man at the till is exaggeratedly courteous. As I turn back into
my street, I long to tear off the burqa.
But I am afraid to; it seems stuck to me. At home I pull it off,
breathe deeply and toss it to the floor. I hate it.
Millions of Muslim women across the globe are isolated in these
fabric prisons. Under the Taliban regime in Afghanistan, a woman who
dared to show her unveiled face could be stoned to death. If she
flashed an ankle, she would be beaten.
Today, four years later, many Afghan women, chafing under the rule
of ultraconservative warlords, face a similar fate.
In March 2002, 14 young girls burned to death in Saudi Arabia when
their school caught fire. The religious police shut them in the
burning building because they didn't have their burqas on; it would
be 'indecent', the police insisted, for them to show their faces.
THERE are no figures for the number of British women who wear burqas
and little is known about them outside their immediate communities.
The next morning I awake angry. I dread having to put it on.
I dress in a long skirt and a longsleeved sweater - no part of my
body can be seen - the gloves, a coat and the burqa.
I walk slowly to the station, slipping on damp leaves because I
cannot see them. On the Tube, people stare: blank, drooling, faintly
hostile stares.
Some point at me; others snigger. I fumble for a newspaper. But I
cannot read it in my burqa. So I slip the newspaper under the veil
and do Sudoku.
The stares become baffled.
As I walk down Oxford Street, I develop eyeache. This is because of
the mesh. One man shouts: 'Why ain't you got no eyes?' Another
grins: 'Hello, darling.' Shop assistants are polite, but I don't
stay long. There is no point: I can't see the goods properly. I do
not go into any restaurants or bars because I can't eat. The anger
and frustration build in me. I feel inferior. I feel disabled. And I
feel judged.
Why do some Muslim women choose to dress like this? I decide to seek
out Imam Ibrahim Mogra, the chairman of the Mosque and Community
Affairs Committee at the Muslim Council of Great Britain.
'Every culture and society has a concept of what is a private part
of a male and a female,' the imam says.
'In Islam, a man's private part is from navel to knee. For women,
the entire body is regarded as private except for the face, hands
and feet.
'Muslims across the world dress in different ways. How you cover up
is influenced by your culture.
Specific garments are not prescribed.
What is specified is that you cover up.' But why must they (I almost
say 'we') cover up, I ask.
'Muslims believe that when out and about in a wider society you need
to present yourself in a dignified and respectful manner,' he
replies.
'We have a responsibility to be respectful.
We should not disturb anyone because of the way we dress. You will
not find me in Bermuda shorts. Women should not reveal their beauty
in an open way, except to immediate family.' This angers me, so I
ask him: 'Do you find a woman's beauty shameful? Should a woman be
ashamed of her beauty?' He says, very calmly: 'God has created man
and woman in the most beautiful form.
But this doesn't mean beauty should be flaunted. We cover up not
because beauty is shameful but because it should be respected. We
are not ashamed but proud.' He explains that clothing practices
differ in Islam from country to country.
'Some scholars recommend a scarf (a hijab). Others a face veil and
some scholars have taken it further and recommend covering not only
the face but the eyes. No one can be forced to practise. You have to
do it out of a love of God.
'More and more young British people are wholeheartedly adopting
traditional dress.
Young men are choosing to wear beards, long robes and turbans. Young
women wear the hijab and the veil.
'As imams we encourage them and remind them of their obligations to
God and the rewards and benefits they bring.' Are women coerced into
wearing the burqa, I ask. This seems to me the crux of the issue.
'We cannot force an individual Muslim to practise the teachings of
the faith,' he says.
'In my family there are those who do not cover up at all. I do not
condemn them.
There is no difference in my love and respect. It is wrong to shun
and exclude a woman for not covering up.' The imam is courteous and
plausible.
And speaking to him I am shocked to realise that in some ways I
agree.
I haven't worn a garment that shows my cleavage for 15 years. And I
don't wear above-the-knee skirts. I pretend that it is because I am
plump, but it isn't. The truth is I don't want strangers to see my
body.
But there is still a vast gulf between the imam's soft words and the
reality of going out into the world in a shroud.
LATER, on the Tube home, I sit opposite a pair of French students.
They gaze at me and giggle. The giggles turn to contemptuous
laughter and I blush under my burqa. De-burqaed, I would curse them,
or perhaps I could steal a joke from the brilliant Muslim stand-up
comedian Shazia Mirza: 'My name is Shazia.
At least, that's what it says on my pilot's licence' or 'Does my
bomb look big in this?' but it never occurs to me to speak.
I don't like speaking in my burqa. It has transformed my
personality. I have become an introvert.
As the week continues, I am resentful. I feel half-alive and utterly
isolated; the only part of me that is fully functioning is my rage.
Opening my handbag is a major logistical operation; using the
cashpoint a near impossibility. The escalators at Tube stations are
potentially fatal and everywhere I seem to be stared at, pointed out
and, sometimes, insulted.
Women either ignore me or give me that pity/contempt glance I used
to throw at the girls in veils. Men are polarised - they are either
rude or, strangely, tender. Everywhere there is curiosity.
Despite phone calls to Muslim organisations and
mosques, I never found any women who wear burqas who were prepared
to speak to me. But I do talk to Fareena Alam, the 27-year-old
editor of the Muslim magazine Q-News.
'I think people who wear the burqa are sincere,' she says. 'It is a
big step. Often they are the women who really embody the modesty
people talk about. Some of the women who wear the burqa are
exquisite and they don't want the attention from men. Wearing a
burqa is about being modest in your character and the way you treat
people and keeping yourself away from the limelight. People who wear
the burqa make a great commitment and are more in touch with their
spirituality. Many have a genuine connection with God. The burqa not
only covers you from the public eye, it keeps you from distractions
and gives you a profound consciousness of God.'
Does she believe some women are forced to wear
the burqa?
'Yes,' she says. 'There are husbands and fathers who force their
wives and daughters to wear the burqa. But the vast majority of
women in London wear it because they choose to.'
She tells me about an acquaintance of hers, a
highly qualified engineer who works at IBM, who wears a burqa.
'It is her personal commitment to God,' she says.
'She believes it is more modest to cover her face. It may be beyond
our comprehension and understanding, but people should choose to be
whatever they want. That is what a secular society is about -
creating public spaces where people can be and wear what they want.'
It is hard to disagree.
What about damage to the eyesight? I have an almost permanent
headache from gazing through the mesh. 'The grill is a result of a
male-centred interpretation that has little basis in Islam.' says
Fareena.
'It is not a good interpretation of the Koran. Even the strictest
Saudi women show their eyes. Islam is a vast religion and there are
many sayings of the prophets that are not authenticated.'
So isn't the burqa about male inadequacy, about
fear of women? Shouldn't this be changed?
Fareena sighs. 'Some mornings you just don’t want the
struggle. You don’t want to change the world. You can’t wake up
every morning and be an activist.
'But,’ she adds vehemently, ‘no
one is free from cultural baggage. Nobody is a value free zone. A
girl may go to work in a short skirt and makeup. Why is she doing
that? Is that what she really wants? To be a sex object? Studies
show that overweight and scruffy women aren’t as successful in their
careers. Is that fair?'
She's right. I have a flashback of my 14-year-old
self, face painted, small skirt in place, desperate for a kiss at
the Friday night disco so I won't be a social pariah at school the
following Monday.
'And some traditional scholars say it is unnecessary to wear the
burqa in Britain because it makes you stand out,' says Fareena. 'Its
purpose is to blend in, but instead you become the subject of
attacks. It defeats the purpose. Many of the women you see in burqas
in London are tourists.'
I tell her I hated wearing the burqa.
'You don't have to love it to give someone else
the freedom to wear it,' she says.
My week is over. I am confused. I hated my burqa
and saw it as a prison imposed by the frailties of men – an attempt
to impose second class citizen status on women. But I also hated the
judgemental stares and the hostility. The week was a strange window
into a different culture but I have no answers. The burqa still
hides a mystery. But I thought a lot - about the roles women play to
please men, the masks they wear (whether veil or blusher) and the
lengths they will go to in order to flourish in our culture and to
survive. My ambivalence about the burqa never left me. If a woman
wears out from choice because she thinks she will be closer to her
God and she doesn’t wish to be the object of random lechery then she
must. I have no right to judge and neither does the snarling man on
the train. Tolerance is a two-culture tango. But if she wears it
because of abuse and coercion and the it is a crime.
But how will I know? I cannot see her face.